Always On My Mind
by Malathyne
Summary: A midnight visit surrounded by memories. -vi/iv.- Tick, tock. Tick, tock. "I think I lost a piece of me in you. I think I left it in your arms..."


"Don't try to solve serious matters in the middle of the night."  
~ Phillip K. Dick

.qp.

_Tick, tock. Tick, tock._

It was late. The rest of the house had fallen asleep hours ago. Still, Zexion bid his time. He wanted to make sure no one would catch him sneaking out. It wasn't that he would get in trouble; he was by far the most responsible and he could probably get away with anything. No, it was more of a matter of pride. It was a little-known fact that the reclusive Zexion had quite a bit of dignity. He made sure that nothing he did endangered it; those precautions kept him out of the spotlight.

Zexion checked the time. It was two forty-one in the morning. He stared at the clock. At a quarter till three, he stood and left his room. Silently, he closed the door behind him, padded down the stairs, and turned into the hallway. He removed his coat (black, hooded, fur-lined) from the rack and pulled it on. He glanced at the grandfather clock. Two forty-eight. He waited two more minutes before opening the front door and slipping into the night.

_Tick, tock. Tick, tock. _**What are you waiting for?**

"_Ienzo, what are you doing up so late?"_

_Ienzo twisted in his chair to look behind him. Amara stood in the doorway, her hands on her hips and a tired smile on her face. Ienzo hesitated to consider what he was going to tell her._

"_I'm studying."_

_After a moment, Amara said, "What're you studying? Something for school?"_

"_No. It's… something for King Ansem."_

_A playful grin took its place on Amara's face. "Ohh, I see. Well, the King can wait. Baby Brother needs his sleep."_

"_I'll be done in just a few more hours. I promise I'll go to sleep then."_

"_You need to go to sleep now, honey. Why do you need to stay up so late to study?"_

"_It's _research,_ Amara, and it's very important, I can't go to sleep _now_ -- "_

"_Yes, you can. Your research will still be here waiting for you in the morning." Amara held her hand out. "C'mon. You'll get sick if you stay up like this. Then who'll do your research?" she said teasingly._

_Ienzo muttered an answer, but he pushed his chair away from his desk and stood anyway. Amara smiled at her little brother lovingly. He stared at her for a long time. Finally, he crossed to her and took her hand. She kissed the top of his head._

"_Don't forget about us, okay, Ien?" she said softly. "We're still your family, you know."_

"_I know. I haven't forgotten." Ienzo looked over his shoulder at his desk._ Xehanort isn't going to be very happy,_ he thought. He felt a strange tug at his heart, but he tried his best to ignore it. "Let's go to bed, Ama."_

_Tick, tock. Tick, tock._ **Don't worry. Take your time…**

Even in the dead of the night, Vexen's house still had lights on. Zexion stood on the sidewalk and stared at it for a moment. The frigid wind cut through his coat and he scowled. Damning Vexen for convincing him to come, Zexion hurried up the path and rang the doorbell.

There was no answer. Zexion's scowl deepened. Not only had he agreed to come in the middle of the freezing night, but now he had to stand out in it. Swearing under his breath, Zexion tried the doorbell again.

There was still no answer. Zexion narrowed his eyes at the door as if it it was _its_ fault he was stuck outside. He waited a few minutes and sighed. He turned and trudged around the house to the back door, pausing to pluck out the spare key from under an ugly garden gnome. He unlocked the back door and let himself in.

The dark kitchen was warm and familiar. Zexion knew it like the back of his hand, but still, he waited for his eyes to adjust and listened to the clock that he knew hung over the stove.

_Tick, tock. Tick, tock._

There were no other sounds of movement. Zexion carefully placed the spare key on the island counter as he passed by on his way out of the room. The next room would be the living room, and to the right would be the staircase that would lead to the hallway, at the end of which was the library and Vexen's study…

It struck him how pathetic it was that he knew Vexen's house better than he knew his own. He shoved the thought down and let his pride eat it, eyes narrowed. There was a reason why he came over under the cover of night. If the others found out, he would never hear the end of it -- especially from Axel and Xigbar. Above all others, it was their ridicule he could not stand. They knew exactly where to dig, what buttons to push, which words burned.

Zexion paused at the top of the stairs. Light shone from under the library doors. He walked down the hallway, turned the doorknob, and opened the door.

_Tick, tock. Tick, tock._ **I forget the reasons I got scared...**

"_Curse you," Zexion grumbled._

_Vexen glanced at him sidelong. Zexion stuffed his hands in his coat pockets and scowled at him._

"_You're such a _fool._ Why did you come all the way out here in this weather?"_

"_I like the cold. I find it comforting."_

"_But _all the way _out here?"_

"_What, were you _worried_ about me?" Vexen smirked._

_Zexion glared at him. He pulled his hood up over his head and shoved his hands back into his pockets. He didn't look back at Vexen to check his expression._

"_You don't need to worry about me. The cold does not affect me as much as it does others," said Vexen._

_Zexion mumbled unintelligible something in response. He looked up and around and, more clearly, asked, "Where is the nearest cabin?"_

"_I believe there is one over there. I caught a glimpse of it earlier…"_

_The two friends walked in silence. Zexion began cursing himself mentally; he shouldn't have taken off like he did without thinking. He only found Vexen out of luck. If they hadn't found each other, the group would have had to find two people lost in the winter wilderness. He knew they wouldn't be able to stay in the cabin for long; if they didn't return to camp soon, the others would start to worry._

_They reached the cabin without difficulty. The building was peaceful and well-kept, and altogether picturesque. Luckily, there was a sign proclaiming the cabin to be property of some lodging company or other, so Zexion and Vexen let themselves in without fretting about laws._

_While Vexen set about making the fire, Zexion set water on to boil. Vexen glanced at him as he lit the firewood._

"_How long do you intend on staying?" asked Vexen._

_Zexion crossed to him, sat in front of the fire, and tucked his legs under him. "Mmm… I was hoping to get warmed up before we set out again." He paused. "A hot drink would help with that."_

"_Of course."_

_Zexion glanced at Vexen. He sat in one of the armchairs with his legs crossed and his cheek leaned on his hand. His hair fell across one shoulder and Zexion had an urge to brush it back, but he wrestled it under control. Vexen looked at him, but Zexion didn't notice. The cuckoo clock near the window kept time for itself._

Tick, tock. Tick, tock.

"_Zexion? Is something wrong?"_

"_What?"_

"_You were staring."_

"_Ah." Zexion quickly turned back around. His face burned, and not because of the fire. "I apologize."_

_Vexen watched him for a moment, a slow smirk creeping across his face. Zexion stared into the fire and willed himself calm. The kettle shrieked. Zexion jumped out of his skin and Vexen snorted at him. As Zexion stood to go tend to the kettle, he gave Vexen a look he meant to be a scowl but came across as a pout. Vexen bit back a laugh._

_Zexion took care of drinks (tea for himself, coffee for Vexen) and settled back down again. He nursed his tea and mentally grumbled to himself. It was a good way to warm up, truly, fire and hot drink, but there was another way that was more preferable… But, of course, it was also weak. Zexion sulked._

"_Zexion?"_

"… _Yes?"_

"_Are you warm enough there?"_

_Zexion turned to look at Vexen with a mixed expression. Vexen watched him, eyebrows raised in amusement. Vexen could see through him, and he knew it. Zexion narrowed his eyes._

"_Are you mocking me?"_

"_No, of course not."_

_Zexion stared at him. Vexen smirked. Zexion's pride bristled, and he fought down a pout as he turned back around. Behind him, Vexen's smirk faded and changed._

"_Zexion."_

_Zexion turned again, his expression unreadable. Vexen raised his eyebrows at him again, although this time, not out of amusement. The two stared at each other and, at length, Zexion sighed. Muttering something that sounded like "Fine," he stood, set his tea down on the coffee table, and walked around to Vexen's chair. Vexen watched him silently. Zexion glanced up at him, looking suddenly like a shy young child, and then sat in his lap. Vexen blinked. Zexion glowered at him, but his heart wasn't in it._

"_What are you so surprised for?" he muttered. "You're the one who suggested it." _

"_Mm," was Vexen's only response._

_Zexion hesitated, then kissed him briefly. He pulled one of Vexen's arms around his waist and leaned against him, sighing. After a pause, Vexen lightly leaned his head against Zexion's. Zexion nuzzled slightly._

"_I assume this is better?" Vexen said in an almost teasing tone._

"… _Yes," Zexion murmured. "Much."_

_Tick, tock. Tick, tock._ **I remembered that I care quite a lot...**

Zexion stared. Vexen held his nodding head up with his hands, fast asleep. Zexion stared for a while more, then shook his head. "How typical," he muttered as he moved to Vexen's table. "He should have just gone to bed."

Still, Zexion hesitated and watched Vexen sleep for a moment. Before Zexion could wake him, however, Vexen's head slipped from his hands and hit the book. Zexion winced; that would hurt when he woke up. But the collision didn't wake Vexen, and he dozed on. Zexion stared at him and shook his head again.

Carefully, Zexion brushed Vexen's hair off his neck. Zexion hesitated, then gently kissed the back of his neck. Vexen didn't shift. Zexion sighed, placed his hands on Vexen's shoulders, and lightly shook him.

"Vexen, wake u -- "

Vexen jerked awake. "What?!"

"… Good evening."

"What? -- Oh. Zexion." Vexen blinked at him sleepily. "Ah. Good evening."

"If you are tired, you should just go to bed."

"I'm not tired. I must have nodded off while reading…"

"Obviously. And you would not have nodded off if you were not tired. It is rather late; if you would rather get some sleep, then I -- "

"No, no, I'm fine. I can last a few more hours. I can sleep later."

Zexion stared at him. Distantly, without realizing what he was saying, he muttered, "You should go to sleep now."

"Nonsense. You know this research is important, I can hardly sleep now."

"You'll make yourself sick like this. The research will still be here in the morning." Zexion blinked and swore at himself. He rubbed his eyes with a hand. "Good Lord, the late hours must be catching up with me, as well…"

"I will make some coffee, then."

Zexion stared at him. Vexen stared back.

_Tick, tock. Tick, tock._

Zexion shook his head and sighed. "Never mind the coffee." He took one of Vexen's hands and lightly tugged. "Let us just sleep." Vexen continued to stare. Zexion met his eyes. "… What?"

"What of your household? You told me they wake early, and that is why you normally stay only a few hours."

"Ah. Well." That did pose a problem, one Zexion didn't particularily want to deal with. "I will come up with some excuse later. To tell the truth, I could care less at the moment."

Vexen snorted. "You _must_ be lacking in sleep."

"Shut up." Zexion kissed him.

"Mm," Vexen muttered after the kiss broke. "So, that's how it is." He smirked. "Sleep indeed. It seems to me you're just after a _bed._"

Zexion narrowed his eyes. Vexen laughed, and Zexion kissed him again. Zexion sighed and leaned his forehead against Vexen's temple.

"Tired," he murmured.

"Mmm."

"Let's go to bed. Now." Zexion pulled Vexen out of his chair.

Vexen allowed himself to be pulled. "… Very well. I am sure you know the way?" He smirked.

Zexion tried to scowl at him. "Oh, _shut up._"

Vexen laughed. Zexion continued to scowl at him. Vexen shook his head and gently took one of Zexion's hands in his.

"Let us go, then."

"Yes." Zexion brought Vexen's hand up and kissed his knuckles, eyes closed.

Vexen's expression softened, and he kissed the top of Zexion's head. The two left the room and walked down the hallway to Vexen's bedroom. Vexen opened the door and let Zexion in first, and closed the door behind them.

_Tick, tock. Tick, tock._ **I can feel a question breaking free with each and every kiss…**

**Can I keep you?**

.qp.

"Once I desire something...  
I cannot undesire it.  
I cannot even try to resist.  
I will desire it until I have it.  
But there is no end.  
No matter how much I take, I still want."  
~ Loveless


End file.
